One reason why it can be hard to say what we want is that sometimes we want more than one thing. This can be true whether we’re looking at a take-out menu, or meeting someone on a first date.
Decisions, decisions. We make them every day. Sometimes though, we can be too quick to judge, and the results can be as surprising as they are unsatisfactory.
Hearing how people experience their dates with them is an eye-opener for most people. Helping my clients to approach each date with confidence and positive energy makes all the difference.
Relationships are a continuum which begins with dating and then hopefully progresses to a serious, committed relationship over time.
I’ve never understood how someone can say they want one thing and do the exact opposite. The relationship therapists I’ve conferred with explain this as “commitment phobia.” This makes sense to me, since there doesn’t seem to be any other rational explanation for this behavior.
The first thing I recommend is letting go of past patterns toward a more fluid notion of a potential mate. Many clients come to this process asking to meet people who are similar to past partners, despite the fact that those relationships ultimately failed.
In my last post, I discussed a film about matchmaking that I was asked to comment on during a group presentation.
Recently, I was a featured speaker at an event where a film about matchmaking called “A Match Made in Heaven” was aired. Following the film, I was asked to comment about the film and to moderate a group discussion.
Doug, a recent transplant to the DC area, recently reached out to me for my matchmaking services. He explained that at 66, he had just retired from a teaching career, and was searching for a mate, not necessarily a wife. He stated that he did not want to be alone, but confided that he didn’t know whether he was appropriate for my network, given that he had been married and divorced four times.
Henry and Jeanette, both in their 60’s, were introduced four months ago and got off to a great start. Jeanette, widowed for three years, had been happily married for 27 years. Her late husband was a physician who handled all the finances in the relationship, while she raised their family and volunteered in the community. Henry, an attorney in his late 60’s, was divorced for the past eight years. He had dated dozens of women, coming close to a committed relationship, but ultimately was left disappointed and disillusioned with love.