The Power of Feedback

The Power of Feedback

Andrea is a talented and highly attractive 37-year-old economist from Venezuela.

After working tirelessly to build her career and immigrate to the U.S., she has now decided that it’s time to focus on her personal life.

When she reached out to me for my services, she expressed an interest in engaging in a process of ‘dating coaching’, before even being introduced to any eligible prospects.  She shared that in the past, she chose badly and today, doesn’t feel confident in her ability to navigate the dating landscape without professional help.

When I met with Andrea, I was impressed with her beauty, intelligence, and drive.  I wondered why such a desirable woman was having such a hard time connecting with appropriate men.

She then elaborated on her past patterns, letting me know that she didn’t trust her own instincts anymore, as the “chemistry thing” had steered her wrong in several past relationships.

She wanted a trusted confidante to teach her the fundamentals of how to present herself, converse and carry herself on first dates, as well as how to transition from dating to being in a relationship, which would ultimately lead to marriage and children.

Debbie is a 56-year-old writer, whom I recruited to meet Bob, a 63-year-old accountant.

When I interviewed Debbie on Bob’s behalf, she was open and forthcoming about her past challenges and emphasized how important finding the right man was to her.  I determined after an extensive interview,  that she was a great prospect for Bob, and recommended her to him as a first referral.  They met and had a very pleasant first date, according to them both.

During the process of hearing Bob’s feedback about the date, I learned that Debbie, although very bright and articulate, had avoided eye contact with him and was seated in a ‘hunched over’ manner during their meal.

This was not the same woman I had vetted on his behalf, probably due to her anxiety over being on a real date, as opposed to speaking to another professional woman. Because Bob found Debbie attractive, he was willing to try again, but I recognized that Debbie needed some coaching before going out again with Bob.

These are precisely the situations that my relationship coaching services address.

I initially meet with everyone and discuss their concerns and goals.  Based on my professional assessment, I then offer hourly sessions that can address all the dating fundamentals, from how to dress on a first date, what kind of body language to be presenting, topics of conversation to cover and/or avoid, and how to move things forward.

Often I employ a “surrogate” to go out with my clients as if they were on an actual date and to report back, so I know how to target my coaching sessions with each client.

Hearing how people experience their dates with them is an eye-opener for most people.

Debbie had no idea she was exuding anxiety on her date, although she did admit that she felt nervous, since she’d only dated two men in her life over several years.

My work with Andrea began with a complete analysis of the attributes in men that attracted her, so that I could steer her towards healthier, more commitment focused men, rather than the ‘players’ she had dated in the past.

This process, which varies according to each client’s needs, can be an important precursor to meeting the right person.  No one wants to blow an opportunity to appeal to someone they like due to their own lack of self-awareness or self-esteem.

Helping my clients to approach each date with confidence and positive energy makes all the difference.

Debbie and Bob went out a second time, this time, at my suggestion, engaging in a hike together, which helped her loosen up in his presence.  They both reported having a really nice time together and expressed an interest in meeting again.  Andrea and I are starting with the basics.

I anticipate that after three or four hourly sessions, she’ll feel ready to start meeting people, at which time, I’ll be there to help process the feedback from those experiences with her.

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